When I was in the depths of my divorce, a fellow divorcee told me to punch pillows and yell YOU HAD IT COMING YOU LUMPY FUCKERS!! Which I could only do for a few seconds before bursting out laughing but the punching was shockingly cathartic and so was the laughter. I also recommend ax throwing (bonus: good core workout).
I've been in nonstop negotiations with my body and now I know what it is telling me: "It's got to go somewhere." Thanks.
Here is what helps me to scream: stubbing my toe, running into a table corner with my thigh for the umpteenth time, anything that sends a sharp sudden pain. It acts like a can opener; all the rage comes gushing out. I don't plan it. It scares the dogs. And me.
Can we please find a way to do this together? Like the colleges that have the primal scream during exams. I want to stand in a field with other women and just rage. I like the car idea, though. I might try that.
Probably because the 8 year anniversary is approaching, but this made me remember what my middle daughter did on election night 2016. She and her rugby friends ran around the campus of their small liberal arts campus screaming their hearts out in rage. May it not be so again this Tuesday.
But I remember thinking that their response was healthy and appropriate.
Oh how I pray there is only joy this week, but I love the idea of them screaming around the campus. We should all be so confident and comfortable with our own rage!
Power comes from the diaphragm- I learned that in theater classes in high school. I learned how to throw or project my voice to a certain point in the auditorium and it felt so good, so full of magic when delivering lines as Lady Macbeth or doing comedy or softening the tone for something more serious or impactful.
I have written my complaints, my anger and sorrows in tons of notebooks and legal pads. Sometimes I would read them out loud when alone in the voice I WANT to use. It was cathartic at times. But I have screamed in the middle of a state park I know well, in a secluded area. Screamed in rage, not terror. The birds went silent and I swear I felt the trees move. I was then able to cry. But I also think the primal screams and roars we women can make can also protect us somewhat. Men grunt, growl, yell, and scream- why not women? We have learned to be good, quiet and polite to be liked and to survive in many situations- but we are allowed to be aggressive when defending ourselves, when we need to release rage in a healthy way.
I still think of myself as a higher order mammal- and I can still see my need to vocalize the feelings that give me distress, to protect my territory ( my body) with a fierce vocal warning, to release rage in a non lethal way. The voice is the ultimate instrument. And like any instrument you want to learn to express yourself- you have to practice and start small. Do small guttural grunts, big sighs, or just one note yells for a few seconds while in your car ( aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!)
This may be enough for you, whereas someone else needs to produce a horrific cry that sounds like they are being tortured. It’s like meditation- you start with a few seconds and one deep breath. Some people just need that one deep breath and others need 30 minutes on a cushion- the point is- you will find what works for you.
Or we start forming “scream circles” for menopausal women. I mean if yoga can be done with goats- why not?
I love this, thanks so much! Lots to consider, I’m going to start small. Since my car scream was such a comic fail, I’ve taken to singing when driving, louder than I usually would. It’s oddly satisfying. Getting reacquainted with my voice seems like a worthy project at this moment in my life (and this moment in time).
Absolutely loving this piece and thanks for the links provided, also excellent. Your writing is great.
I am now feeling rather proud since I came to my own screaming quite naturally during a dark time after being left by my husband of thirty years VERY unexpectedly. I was also 48 and entering The Pause. I recall standing by the curtains and suddenly started screaming till the screaming turned to sobbing then to complete exhaustion and I puddled to the floor holding the curtains. The experience initially frightened me as this is definitely NOT who I am but afterwards I felt scrubbed clean on the inside, lighter and much, much calmer.
Highly recommend. And like your good self, I do not drift towards the whackadoodle in any form.
So nice to meet you, Lisa Renee! I've never thought of it til now, but I wonder if primal screaming isn't part of the appeal for CrossFit (which I have, so far and happily, avoided). It's been a long run since we stopped, but my daughters and I used to study karate, where there was a lot of grunting and forceful exhaling. Scream siblings. And then I think back on the ancient practice of keening which, as I understand it, was abolished in the effort to reflect a more "civilized" Christianity.
Perhaps, if we were more at liberty to scream, our anguish would be less likely to take root and grow into other forms of ailment. Thanks for prompting the thoughts here.
Loved reading this; it has never occurred to me to scream no matter how mad I am. Sadly, I am not even sure I can scream. Maybe if I get far away enough from people it would be something I could do? I'm much more likely to cry than scream when frustrated, but will think about screaming the next time those tears well up. Thank you.
About 6 months ago I started doing this exact thing. Screaming in the car. My first thought hearing myself is “ my God, they should use this in a horror film .” It could only be described as primal and I was shocked by the sound. I have done it to or 3 times more and the practice is not something I fully understand. I did it only out of the necessity to release pain and stress . I am glad I am not alone.
There is absolute benefit to screaming. One can also scream into a pillow when no one is around. We needn't drive to a secluded location, lol. And as Liz mentions below, punching pillows also can feel pretty good if you really get to the anger. Of course, we can feel absolutely silly. But if no one is around, who's judging?
Lisa, you’re a gifted writer! Thank you for raging, for trying to scream and for opening up to the “woo-woo” of trying new things. I am right there with you. Laughing, hot-flashing and crying through mid-life. It is getting easier on some days! Seems harder on others. Onward. Keep writing. Keep sharing. —Olga
Aging IS enraging. And now that I think about it, I don't think I know how to scream either, I've been a repressed, conservative, good girl for far too long...
And the artwork you've used at the top of this piece - I've never seen it before but it's so striking, I love it.
Great piece of writing! I bought a screaming little rubber witch at the Halloween superstore years ago. I used to press the button on the back of the little with whenever I began to lose it. It became a running joke in the family. 😂 I don’t need to use it as much any more as I’m in recovery from PTSD. But man! That little witch came in handy.
My therapist also told me to scream! I told her it’s probably not a good idea as the neighbors might call the police. Somatic therapists work with your voice. You can illicit all kinds of primal utterances and work with your vocal range — including hissing and growling. I find it helpful as I feel it can help rekease bent up energy and help you feel more relaxed. ☺️
When I was in the depths of my divorce, a fellow divorcee told me to punch pillows and yell YOU HAD IT COMING YOU LUMPY FUCKERS!! Which I could only do for a few seconds before bursting out laughing but the punching was shockingly cathartic and so was the laughter. I also recommend ax throwing (bonus: good core workout).
I've been in nonstop negotiations with my body and now I know what it is telling me: "It's got to go somewhere." Thanks.
Here is what helps me to scream: stubbing my toe, running into a table corner with my thigh for the umpteenth time, anything that sends a sharp sudden pain. It acts like a can opener; all the rage comes gushing out. I don't plan it. It scares the dogs. And me.
Can we please find a way to do this together? Like the colleges that have the primal scream during exams. I want to stand in a field with other women and just rage. I like the car idea, though. I might try that.
Probably because the 8 year anniversary is approaching, but this made me remember what my middle daughter did on election night 2016. She and her rugby friends ran around the campus of their small liberal arts campus screaming their hearts out in rage. May it not be so again this Tuesday.
But I remember thinking that their response was healthy and appropriate.
Oh how I pray there is only joy this week, but I love the idea of them screaming around the campus. We should all be so confident and comfortable with our own rage!
Power comes from the diaphragm- I learned that in theater classes in high school. I learned how to throw or project my voice to a certain point in the auditorium and it felt so good, so full of magic when delivering lines as Lady Macbeth or doing comedy or softening the tone for something more serious or impactful.
I have written my complaints, my anger and sorrows in tons of notebooks and legal pads. Sometimes I would read them out loud when alone in the voice I WANT to use. It was cathartic at times. But I have screamed in the middle of a state park I know well, in a secluded area. Screamed in rage, not terror. The birds went silent and I swear I felt the trees move. I was then able to cry. But I also think the primal screams and roars we women can make can also protect us somewhat. Men grunt, growl, yell, and scream- why not women? We have learned to be good, quiet and polite to be liked and to survive in many situations- but we are allowed to be aggressive when defending ourselves, when we need to release rage in a healthy way.
I still think of myself as a higher order mammal- and I can still see my need to vocalize the feelings that give me distress, to protect my territory ( my body) with a fierce vocal warning, to release rage in a non lethal way. The voice is the ultimate instrument. And like any instrument you want to learn to express yourself- you have to practice and start small. Do small guttural grunts, big sighs, or just one note yells for a few seconds while in your car ( aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!)
This may be enough for you, whereas someone else needs to produce a horrific cry that sounds like they are being tortured. It’s like meditation- you start with a few seconds and one deep breath. Some people just need that one deep breath and others need 30 minutes on a cushion- the point is- you will find what works for you.
Or we start forming “scream circles” for menopausal women. I mean if yoga can be done with goats- why not?
I love this, thanks so much! Lots to consider, I’m going to start small. Since my car scream was such a comic fail, I’ve taken to singing when driving, louder than I usually would. It’s oddly satisfying. Getting reacquainted with my voice seems like a worthy project at this moment in my life (and this moment in time).
Absolutely loving this piece and thanks for the links provided, also excellent. Your writing is great.
I am now feeling rather proud since I came to my own screaming quite naturally during a dark time after being left by my husband of thirty years VERY unexpectedly. I was also 48 and entering The Pause. I recall standing by the curtains and suddenly started screaming till the screaming turned to sobbing then to complete exhaustion and I puddled to the floor holding the curtains. The experience initially frightened me as this is definitely NOT who I am but afterwards I felt scrubbed clean on the inside, lighter and much, much calmer.
Highly recommend. And like your good self, I do not drift towards the whackadoodle in any form.
"scrubbed clean on the inside" - this is what I want. Thanks for the comment!
I just loved this piece. I want to scream, but suspect I won't be able to either, but I will try. Thank you!
Definitely going to try this next time I’m in my car. Otherwise my neighbors might call the cops!
So nice to meet you, Lisa Renee! I've never thought of it til now, but I wonder if primal screaming isn't part of the appeal for CrossFit (which I have, so far and happily, avoided). It's been a long run since we stopped, but my daughters and I used to study karate, where there was a lot of grunting and forceful exhaling. Scream siblings. And then I think back on the ancient practice of keening which, as I understand it, was abolished in the effort to reflect a more "civilized" Christianity.
Perhaps, if we were more at liberty to scream, our anguish would be less likely to take root and grow into other forms of ailment. Thanks for prompting the thoughts here.
Loved reading this; it has never occurred to me to scream no matter how mad I am. Sadly, I am not even sure I can scream. Maybe if I get far away enough from people it would be something I could do? I'm much more likely to cry than scream when frustrated, but will think about screaming the next time those tears well up. Thank you.
About 6 months ago I started doing this exact thing. Screaming in the car. My first thought hearing myself is “ my God, they should use this in a horror film .” It could only be described as primal and I was shocked by the sound. I have done it to or 3 times more and the practice is not something I fully understand. I did it only out of the necessity to release pain and stress . I am glad I am not alone.
There is absolute benefit to screaming. One can also scream into a pillow when no one is around. We needn't drive to a secluded location, lol. And as Liz mentions below, punching pillows also can feel pretty good if you really get to the anger. Of course, we can feel absolutely silly. But if no one is around, who's judging?
Back when I was screaming (hehe) I found that doing it into a pillow is more freeing. No one hears the muffled sounds.
Meanwhile Sarno helped cure my chronic back pain. I wrote an essay about it last year.
Lisa, you’re a gifted writer! Thank you for raging, for trying to scream and for opening up to the “woo-woo” of trying new things. I am right there with you. Laughing, hot-flashing and crying through mid-life. It is getting easier on some days! Seems harder on others. Onward. Keep writing. Keep sharing. —Olga
Aging IS enraging. And now that I think about it, I don't think I know how to scream either, I've been a repressed, conservative, good girl for far too long...
And the artwork you've used at the top of this piece - I've never seen it before but it's so striking, I love it.
Great piece of writing! I bought a screaming little rubber witch at the Halloween superstore years ago. I used to press the button on the back of the little with whenever I began to lose it. It became a running joke in the family. 😂 I don’t need to use it as much any more as I’m in recovery from PTSD. But man! That little witch came in handy.
My therapist also told me to scream! I told her it’s probably not a good idea as the neighbors might call the police. Somatic therapists work with your voice. You can illicit all kinds of primal utterances and work with your vocal range — including hissing and growling. I find it helpful as I feel it can help rekease bent up energy and help you feel more relaxed. ☺️