When I was in the depths of my divorce, a fellow divorcee told me to punch pillows and yell YOU HAD IT COMING YOU LUMPY FUCKERS!! Which I could only do for a few seconds before bursting out laughing but the punching was shockingly cathartic and so was the laughter. I also recommend ax throwing (bonus: good core workout).
I've been in nonstop negotiations with my body and now I know what it is telling me: "It's got to go somewhere." Thanks.
Here is what helps me to scream: stubbing my toe, running into a table corner with my thigh for the umpteenth time, anything that sends a sharp sudden pain. It acts like a can opener; all the rage comes gushing out. I don't plan it. It scares the dogs. And me.
Can we please find a way to do this together? Like the colleges that have the primal scream during exams. I want to stand in a field with other women and just rage. I like the car idea, though. I might try that.
Great piece of writing! I bought a screaming little rubber witch at the Halloween superstore years ago. I used to press the button on the back of the little with whenever I began to lose it. It became a running joke in the family. 😂 I don’t need to use it as much any more as I’m in recovery from PTSD. But man! That little witch came in handy.
My therapist also told me to scream! I told her it’s probably not a good idea as the neighbors might call the police. Somatic therapists work with your voice. You can illicit all kinds of primal utterances and work with your vocal range — including hissing and growling. I find it helpful as I feel it can help rekease bent up energy and help you feel more relaxed. ☺️
Power comes from the diaphragm- I learned that in theater classes in high school. I learned how to throw or project my voice to a certain point in the auditorium and it felt so good, so full of magic when delivering lines as Lady Macbeth or doing comedy or softening the tone for something more serious or impactful.
I have written my complaints, my anger and sorrows in tons of notebooks and legal pads. Sometimes I would read them out loud when alone in the voice I WANT to use. It was cathartic at times. But I have screamed in the middle of a state park I know well, in a secluded area. Screamed in rage, not terror. The birds went silent and I swear I felt the trees move. I was then able to cry. But I also think the primal screams and roars we women can make can also protect us somewhat. Men grunt, growl, yell, and scream- why not women? We have learned to be good, quiet and polite to be liked and to survive in many situations- but we are allowed to be aggressive when defending ourselves, when we need to release rage in a healthy way.
I still think of myself as a higher order mammal- and I can still see my need to vocalize the feelings that give me distress, to protect my territory ( my body) with a fierce vocal warning, to release rage in a non lethal way. The voice is the ultimate instrument. And like any instrument you want to learn to express yourself- you have to practice and start small. Do small guttural grunts, big sighs, or just one note yells for a few seconds while in your car ( aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!)
This may be enough for you, whereas someone else needs to produce a horrific cry that sounds like they are being tortured. It’s like meditation- you start with a few seconds and one deep breath. Some people just need that one deep breath and others need 30 minutes on a cushion- the point is- you will find what works for you.
Or we start forming “scream circles” for menopausal women. I mean if yoga can be done with goats- why not?
I love this, thanks so much! Lots to consider, I’m going to start small. Since my car scream was such a comic fail, I’ve taken to singing when driving, louder than I usually would. It’s oddly satisfying. Getting reacquainted with my voice seems like a worthy project at this moment in my life (and this moment in time).
Oh yes! I like a good scream in the car or on a deserted beach into the big boom of the surf. With clients I use the lion's breath from yoga, with a big 'ahhh' sound. It can start small and build up, and shifts energy very powerfully. Us midlife women have many reasons to roar!
Absolutely loving this piece and thanks for the links provided, also excellent. Your writing is great.
I am now feeling rather proud since I came to my own screaming quite naturally during a dark time after being left by my husband of thirty years VERY unexpectedly. I was also 48 and entering The Pause. I recall standing by the curtains and suddenly started screaming till the screaming turned to sobbing then to complete exhaustion and I puddled to the floor holding the curtains. The experience initially frightened me as this is definitely NOT who I am but afterwards I felt scrubbed clean on the inside, lighter and much, much calmer.
Highly recommend. And like your good self, I do not drift towards the whackadoodle in any form.
YASSSSS oh my god I’m so happy for you that you have reached the “This is crazy…but what if it actually works” point. Good luck! Scream it like you mean it! 😂
When I was in the depths of my divorce, a fellow divorcee told me to punch pillows and yell YOU HAD IT COMING YOU LUMPY FUCKERS!! Which I could only do for a few seconds before bursting out laughing but the punching was shockingly cathartic and so was the laughter. I also recommend ax throwing (bonus: good core workout).
I've been in nonstop negotiations with my body and now I know what it is telling me: "It's got to go somewhere." Thanks.
Here is what helps me to scream: stubbing my toe, running into a table corner with my thigh for the umpteenth time, anything that sends a sharp sudden pain. It acts like a can opener; all the rage comes gushing out. I don't plan it. It scares the dogs. And me.
I just loved this piece. I want to scream, but suspect I won't be able to either, but I will try. Thank you!
Can we please find a way to do this together? Like the colleges that have the primal scream during exams. I want to stand in a field with other women and just rage. I like the car idea, though. I might try that.
Definitely going to try this next time I’m in my car. Otherwise my neighbors might call the cops!
Great piece of writing! I bought a screaming little rubber witch at the Halloween superstore years ago. I used to press the button on the back of the little with whenever I began to lose it. It became a running joke in the family. 😂 I don’t need to use it as much any more as I’m in recovery from PTSD. But man! That little witch came in handy.
My therapist also told me to scream! I told her it’s probably not a good idea as the neighbors might call the police. Somatic therapists work with your voice. You can illicit all kinds of primal utterances and work with your vocal range — including hissing and growling. I find it helpful as I feel it can help rekease bent up energy and help you feel more relaxed. ☺️
I don’t know if I’m weird, but i don’t think I’ve screamed my head off since i was 10 years old. Now i want to.
Power comes from the diaphragm- I learned that in theater classes in high school. I learned how to throw or project my voice to a certain point in the auditorium and it felt so good, so full of magic when delivering lines as Lady Macbeth or doing comedy or softening the tone for something more serious or impactful.
I have written my complaints, my anger and sorrows in tons of notebooks and legal pads. Sometimes I would read them out loud when alone in the voice I WANT to use. It was cathartic at times. But I have screamed in the middle of a state park I know well, in a secluded area. Screamed in rage, not terror. The birds went silent and I swear I felt the trees move. I was then able to cry. But I also think the primal screams and roars we women can make can also protect us somewhat. Men grunt, growl, yell, and scream- why not women? We have learned to be good, quiet and polite to be liked and to survive in many situations- but we are allowed to be aggressive when defending ourselves, when we need to release rage in a healthy way.
I still think of myself as a higher order mammal- and I can still see my need to vocalize the feelings that give me distress, to protect my territory ( my body) with a fierce vocal warning, to release rage in a non lethal way. The voice is the ultimate instrument. And like any instrument you want to learn to express yourself- you have to practice and start small. Do small guttural grunts, big sighs, or just one note yells for a few seconds while in your car ( aaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!)
This may be enough for you, whereas someone else needs to produce a horrific cry that sounds like they are being tortured. It’s like meditation- you start with a few seconds and one deep breath. Some people just need that one deep breath and others need 30 minutes on a cushion- the point is- you will find what works for you.
Or we start forming “scream circles” for menopausal women. I mean if yoga can be done with goats- why not?
I love this, thanks so much! Lots to consider, I’m going to start small. Since my car scream was such a comic fail, I’ve taken to singing when driving, louder than I usually would. It’s oddly satisfying. Getting reacquainted with my voice seems like a worthy project at this moment in my life (and this moment in time).
Oh yes! I like a good scream in the car or on a deserted beach into the big boom of the surf. With clients I use the lion's breath from yoga, with a big 'ahhh' sound. It can start small and build up, and shifts energy very powerfully. Us midlife women have many reasons to roar!
I forgot about lion's breath, must get back to that! 💚
Absolutely loving this piece and thanks for the links provided, also excellent. Your writing is great.
I am now feeling rather proud since I came to my own screaming quite naturally during a dark time after being left by my husband of thirty years VERY unexpectedly. I was also 48 and entering The Pause. I recall standing by the curtains and suddenly started screaming till the screaming turned to sobbing then to complete exhaustion and I puddled to the floor holding the curtains. The experience initially frightened me as this is definitely NOT who I am but afterwards I felt scrubbed clean on the inside, lighter and much, much calmer.
Highly recommend. And like your good self, I do not drift towards the whackadoodle in any form.
"scrubbed clean on the inside" - this is what I want. Thanks for the comment!
YASSSSS oh my god I’m so happy for you that you have reached the “This is crazy…but what if it actually works” point. Good luck! Scream it like you mean it! 😂