17 Comments

Hey Lisa! I feel I could quote this whole letter back to you with all the points you make that chime with my experience. I bloody love the ritual of a drink. I love two. But these days, mostly no more, as midlife has done to my tolerance for it and the next-day hangxiety what it sounds like it's done to you. I say all this, but we are enjoying beautiful weather here in Scotland this week and I am currently en route to Edinburgh to see an old friend for dinner and then we go on to an anniversary party... The thought of my 2hr commute back home this evening is weighing heavily, though. Wish me luck! 🤞🥂

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"It was going to be a night off, but I could drink the hell out of a G&T right now." This! Yes! It's so easy to abstain in the morning when the world is all dewy and full of promise. But at 5:15 pm, with another day under your belt and a soft breeze in the garden, it's hard to conjure that resolve. In fact the resolve itself starts to feel like just another cultural ruler (weight, diet, etc.) with which to rap our own knuckles. You've really done a marvelous job here of describing that difficult dance we do with alcohol at midlife, particularly if you've never been a "problem" drinker. Maybe you should stop, but maybe that's needlessly puritanical. I meet so many people in midlife for whom abstinence seems almost like a religion: I don't drink any more; I've given up desserts; We don't eat bread. I am suspicious of all or nothing thinking in the absence of demonstrated necessity. But abstinence in all its forms does seem to fill a void for some folks at midlife. I think perhaps I'll abstain from abstinence. Thanks for a great read.

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Jun 9, 2023Liked by Lisa Renee

I love the way you describe a cocktail as the punctuation in a day and a welcome gear shift. So well put and so true.

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Jun 3, 2023Liked by Lisa Renee

A lot of our friends here in the States are cutting out alcohol completely, which I respect. However, my husband and I, being originally from Europe won't completely cut out good wine, craft beer or a nicely made cocktail for many of the reasons articulated here (the ritual, etc.). It can be a pleasure of life, which face it, we all need in some form. My limit nowadays though is 2-3 drinks tops on a weekend night, and maybe an occasional glass of beer, wine or cocktail during a weeknight with a meal or if meeting with friends. Tolerance is a lot lower than it was, and so I am grateful for all the creeative new lower or non-alcoholic options, like mocktails and Hop Water.

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You nailed it Lisa. I don't, well didn't, drink much. Never spirits. Beer and white wine, but over time, the daily ritual became habitual and my body rebelled. I am currently abstaining (10 weeks in) and rethinking how I "unwind" and "enjoy" without a glass in my hand.

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I completely relate to your words 'There’s a newly installed warning system, sensitive to anything fun'. I have had to cut out alcohol in these perimenopausal years. It feels like an instant toxin in my system and the after-effects are just not worth it (also had to cut a few things from my diet). I do miss it though, socialising feels more challenging without the softening effects of a glass of pinot noir and I often feel like a social oddity. I'm ready for bed at 9:30 while others are just getting started! Thanks for writing on this, it's always helpful to know I'm not alone 😃

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Highly relatable! I might steal your red dot idea...

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Thanks for writing this -- I could relate to so much of it! My alcohol consumption has crept up over the years, I really want to cut back, for health / weight reasons. (I *wish* my body didn't tolerate it -- it would make it so much easier!) I've done Dry January a couple of times, and found it a useful reset, but I quickly got back to drinking more than I know I should -- 4 or 5 nights a week, 2 or 3 drinks (or more). I don't want to quit altogether, because like you, I LOVE the aesthetics, the taste, the buzz. What I'm trying now is the rule of 3: No more than three drinking nights a week, never more than 3 drinks on any of those nights. I find it's a lot easier for me to not drink at all than to have just one drink, so I'm hopeful it will work out and become a longer-term lifestyle change. So, if the husband brings home that fab local wine on what I intend to be a non-drinking night, the decision of whether or not to drink becomes a simpler calculus: I can drink it if I want, but that means making it up with a non-drinking night. And if I don't want to do that, well...maybe just a sip or two out of his glass and no more. (I kind of wish there were moderation support groups, you know?)

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This kind of question related to intoxication has fueled a few conversations in my life recently. I personally think that the judgement that we and others assign to our proclivities is worse than the vice. If drink triggers compromised self esteem, do you really love yourself in the first place? Because no one and nothing can take it away. Humans like to get intoxicated. All this “addiction” labeling (I know that’s not what you’re doing) seems to be in the service of other’s people’s criticism, snobbery, or stigma. Or our own.

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